Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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