I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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