whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
420 ftw
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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