from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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