someone get that fucking seahorse.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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