glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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