he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
