just tell him i said nine months
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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