i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
