Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
