Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Small penises have feelings too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize