Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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