Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
