I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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