he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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