Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
