I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found puke in my bra..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
