my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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