remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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