so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
