I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
