if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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