Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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