So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
