i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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