guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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