I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
