I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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