Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
