i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
