apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
