His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
last night I used snow as a chaser
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have post one night stand depression
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