saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
