it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
