so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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