If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
