Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize