my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
