Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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