You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
