Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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