I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
