Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
