i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
