he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
