Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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