I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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