don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize