I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
