So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
