so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Found the puke drawer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
