Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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