it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
