Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
