you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
