if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
