I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
