i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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