he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
