trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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