Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
