google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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