I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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