I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
