her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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