It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
