last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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