im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize