youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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