is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
