Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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