Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
