my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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